ATLANTA, Ga.–Doubt. Fear. Uncertainty. All key factors in the millennia man or woman who are unsure about their futures or regretful of their past and how it got them where they are.
But you are not alone.
The 18-year-old me would call the 25-year-old me a failure because I didn’t have the following that I said I would by this time: My law degree and Entertainment Law practice, a Lamborghini, a condo in Washington DC or engaged to a man in the same upper-class income I thought I would be in. I would also shun myself for not having one, but two children out of wedlock.
But what the 18-year-old me didn’t know that the 25-year-old me knows know it the true meaning of the Locus of Control. While there are factors of my life I cold have very much controlled, there are key changes I did not plan for or see coming, i.e the death of my mother and becoming an instant adult after 22 years of having everything done for me.
And although I launched a media company and began a somewhat-successful corporate career in supply chain management, in my head I was not where I wanted to be.
In our 20s is when we discover that life is real and sh*t can get real. Really fast. And many 20-something’s are drowning in depression and concealing it with alcohol, excessive partying, drugs and fake smiles. Add in student loan debt, underpaid, unemployed or anxiety and boom! There’s a recipe for the average millennial.
I knew I was going through something when I would spend top dollar for a piece of mind just to be alone and think about absolutely nothing. An outlet to escape and really listen to what the universe was trying to tell me about my next move.
One day I woke up and realized how indecisive I was about almost everything. From school to constant career changes, friends, the caliber of men I was dating, my fear of dating altogether, how I styled my hair… the list goes on.
And reconnecting with family and friends can be somewhat debilitating, especially during the holidays. When people ask questions about school, career, or love life it makes you cringe. And you may even wonder, when will someone ask me am I happy? So I can tell them that I’m not? And actually SUPPORT me through this?
It’s imperative those going through this find support in loved ones.
It wasn’t until I was riding in the car with an old flame who came to visit me from out of town that I self-diagnosed myself with the Quarter-Life Crisis. As I heard myself tell him everything that was going on with me, (I never opened up to him…ever) I began to confirm how badly things had snowballed out of control.
But what he said was so simple, yet so powerful in the moment:
What?! It’s okay to feel like this? So, you’re telling me I’m not weird, a failure, irresponsible? I’m not? I didn’t miss my calling in life? No? Really?
I’m not sure where the preconceived notion of life being a linear line came from. Nor I’m not sure where myself and plenty others are thinking that life is a sprint and not a marathon.
Because it’s unrealistic. Sh*t happens. But when it does, you have to get back up and not run away from your problems.
Who said you had to have everything life has to offer in your twenties? What will be left to obtain for the remainder of your life?
My favorite quote by Media Mogul and my she-ro Oprah Winfrey is, “You Can have it all–just not all at once.” This is coming from a self-made billionaire who has been abused, mistreated, hired, fired and backstabbed during her twenties yet still, rose above it all to become one of the wealthiest, respected media powerhouses globally.
You can get a thousand “no’s” but somebody will tell you yes.
This is the time of harvest and manifestation of finding yourself. Being unsure is a way of growth pushing out comfort for you to reach your destiny.
Exposure to new things and/or an environment can help you discover the real you. Facing your inhibitions head on of change will channel your inner butterfly from the capillary stage.
Also, taking charge in your life by not blaming yourself and others for your shortcomings, accepting what you can’t change and working daily on creating the life you want can help you adjust to the “You” that you are underneath it all.
May peace be upon all the twenty-somethings transitioning from comfort to growth to be the best version of themselves.